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Updated: Nov 5, 2021

Every relationship has a level of connection. Sometimes words like; soulmate are spoken of to define the feeling of connection you have with your partner. I believe there are different levels of connection between two people and if you do not connect on most or all levels, the relationship disconnect will most likely leads to breaks ups, divorce and/or relationship issues.

For now, let's leave the word LOVE aside. I believe the more of these levels you connect on; the deeper your love for someone will be. Not just love your partner, but be deeply in love with them, because you feel connected and connection makes us feel close. (Connection and Compatibility are interchangeable with this topic.)

1. Physical Connection - Touch. Closeness. Presence. Attraction.

2. Mental Connection - Intellectual connection. Stimulation of thought.

3. Emotional Connection - Feeling seen/heard. Connected. Wanted. The "get" you.

4. Spiritual Connection - Energy. Meaningful. Depth.

5. Sexual Connection - Chemistry. Lust. Desire. Intense intimacy. Fantasy fulfilling. Becoming one.

Physical Connection

A physical connection within a relationship is the feeling you get when the two of you touch, not sexually, but innocently, such as; holding hands, massaging, rubbing your hands on their skin. The way you look at each and feel the attraction. Maybe it's their smile, laugh, arms, sexy legs and butt or just the way they look at you!

Mental Connection

A mental connection within a relationship is the feeling you get when you speak about your interests, passions or share something you learned and your partner is intellectually grasping and/or agreeing with your thoughts. It is a mental stimulation and arousal that is often referred to as one being a sapiosexual.

Emotional Connection

An emotional connection within a relationship is the feeling you get when you and your partner can just look at each other and know what the other is thinking or feeling. You "get" each other. It is the playful teasing between you too. The witty banter. The feeling of being heard and seen by your parter in a way no one else does, without fear of judgement. You feel safe with this person. A feeling of peace when you're with them or even from a distance on the phone.

Spiritual Connection

A spiritual connection within a relationship is the feeling you get when your beliefs align. Your energies vibrate on the same frequency. Your life together has meaning and common growth goals. Your souls have a deep connection. Maybe you even feel you as if you were meant to be. Soulmates. Together in a past life, if there is such thing. Together for a reason. In a room full of people, you are drawn to each other. A cosmic pull. Spirituality is not something everyone believes in, but spirituality is about core beliefs/values. Do you have the same life values? Kindness, patience, integrity, growth, gratitude, courage, forgiveness, love, etc..... Religious beliefs.....

Sexual Connection

A sexual connection within a relationship is the feeling you get when you look at your partner and you just want to take them to the bedroom, or wherever you can find in that moment! You look at them with lust in your eyes, desire in your heart. Chemistry that cannot be denied. Intense intimacy that time goes by during your love making sessions and you are so into it, nothing else in the world matters or exists. You become one in that moment of passion and pleasure. It is intoxicating, exhilarating and fantasy fulfilling. There are no judgments, only exploration within your sexual limits of comfort. No inhibitions.

Now that we have defined these 5 connections, let's discuss how they play out in relationships.

When initially dating someone, usually, we are learning each other and also on our best behavior. We choose what colors of our inner self we want to reveal. Hiding the parts of us that might be, not so attractive. But, that being said, I do believe early on, if not instantly, you can get a logical or intuitive vibe of how much you connect with your potential partner on each level.

For example: You can instantly be physically attracted to someone, but mentally as you get to know them, they do not intellectually stimulate you. Or maybe you’re mentally connected but sexuality not compatible. It doesn't always have to be a one or the other, you might be physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually connected to that person, but sexually there is a disconnect.

When you feel this disconnect, it doesn't always mean long term issues with arise. Communication is KEY in any successful relationship. Being open minded and understanding to accept and respect ones differences, can make all the difference. For example: Maybe your partner has a specific topic of interest; and it is not something you've ever learned about or maybe you've learned about it, but you still aren't interested. THAT IS OKAY! It just means sometimes you'll have to be open minded and compromise to allow your partner to share what interests them. The most important thing is having a overall connection on that level. Meaning - You don't have to like everything the same, or agree on everything, but your core beliefs and majority interests, should align. It is okay to grow as an individual, but just as important to grow as a couple.

There are things that are non negotiable - IF there are any completely opposing beliefs or "needs" within a specific level that you or your partner cannot fulfill, that is where conflict will be inevitable.

(Examples for each level)

Physical Connection -

Maybe you value health, fitness and physical apperance and your partner looks physically fit, but never works out or eats healthy. You question if later in life they will eventually "let themselves go" because physical appearance isn't as important to them. You begin to contemplate if you'll always be attracted to them. Maybe they do not groom themselves to your level of standards and you don't think that will ever change.

Mental Connection -

Maybe your partner has a specific political belief that doesn't align with you. You believe in pro choice and they do not. You have different religious beliefs and practices that are a part of your routine and they do not agree with nor understand why you do it.

Emotional Connection -

Maybe after a fight with your partner, you need them to immediately communicate with you and resolve the issue, but your partner believes in taking time/space to digest what happened and rather discuss the next day or later. That would be something very straining for a relationship. Two completely different approaches and needs in a critical time.

Spiritual Connection -

You believe everything happens for a reason. You believe in a higher power, even if you do not have a specific name for it. (G-d. The Universe. Energy) and your partner does not believe. They are atheist.

You are a magical thinker and they are purely logical.

Sexual Connection -

Maybe you have a specific sexual fetish. If the fetish is suppressed or not fulfilled and it is something that you needs for sexual arousal, that is a major disconnect if your partner is not willing to explore that fetish and fulfill it.

This article is probably making you really question your level of connection in past relationships or your present one. Remember that you do not always connect instantly on which ever level. Sometimes it takes learning more about each other, feeling comfortable and allowing yourself to be open minded. No one is perfect and you cannot change someones deep beliefs/wants/personality/passion. There is always compromise and acceptance of differences within a relationship. Just make sure you don't settle for someone that might fall into the non-negotiable.

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